


Some Things Never Change

by mandsangelfox



Category: Killjoys (TV)
Genre: Angst, Everything Hurts, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7117372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandsangelfox/pseuds/mandsangelfox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s doing alright (or so he thought) but that all changes when Dutch rocks up in his shitty one bedroom looking like nothing's touched her and he looks quite literally like something somebody has stepped in. Smells like it too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Things Never Change

**Author's Note:**

  * For [estel_willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/gifts).



There’s one thing D'avin Jaqobis has known his whole life and that is, quite simply, that he’s a fuck up. He'd thought he could change that by joining the Nova Cadets but all that had done was gotten him swept up in somebody else's war, a long way from home, experimented on and turned into the very thing he'd been trying to outrun since he was old enough to know just how much of a bastard their old man was. At first he'd thought that Johnny finding him was the worst thing that could have happened but, over time, he'd started to think that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all. He became a Killjoy, had a purpose again and goddamn... it had felt good. 

And then he'd gone and did what he did best: ruined it.

Johnny and Dutch, they'd do just fine without him, had up until this point after all but him? You'd think being alone for as long as he had would teach a guy a thing or two but as it turns out, he's a lot like a dog in the respect that if you give him some love and care and suddenly take it away, he doesn't know how to function without it. Thankfully Pree has taken pity on him and offered him a room in exchange for some protective duty and he’s also working some low level warrants just to keep busy and not go too stir crazy. He’s doing alright (or so he thought) but that all changes when Dutch rocks up in his shitty one bedroom looking like nothing's touched her and he looks quite literally like something somebody has stepped in. Smells like it too.

Of course he feigns that he's doing just fine because that's better than admitting to the truth, which is that he's struggling, really struggling. More so than he should be considering he’s a soldier, pretty sure surviving was what he was meant to do best, but hey, not Dutch's burden to carry. He’s just lucky that she’s here and still talking to him and not looking to get payback for what he did to her and to- to Johnny. He knows she’s here because Johnny’s angry at him, doesn't want to see him, would much rather pretend like he hadn't found him after all these years. And Dutch, she- she's brought him some of his things, from Lucy, which just cements in his mind that whatever they had going before was done, toast, finished. Of course he doesn't blame them: he wouldn't trust him either. Not after what he’d done.

It’s awkward, strange, weird and all those negative descriptive words all rolled up into one singular interaction. He can’t exactly say he expected much more, especially as he’s still trying to figure his shit out. You'd have thought with the amount of years he has on his side he would have made more progress than he has, but he's never been that smart, that was always Johnny's deal, not his. True simple facts, he’s just the big dumb one, good at one thing only. Of course it could be worse, he could be in a much darker place... though late at night when the bar’s closed and he only has his thoughts for company there are definitely some thoughts he needs to chase away time after time, thoughts that would- well, they have a stronger grip on him now than they did before. He has to keep reminding himself that’s the coward's way out; he's made his bed, time to lay in it and see how he comes out in the wash.

Fake smiles, insincere reassurances, strained conversation, honestly it's a mess and D'avin wishes more than anything that he could go back and change what happened. Well, maybe not all of it because as much as Johnny hates him for what went down with Dutch prior to when he went all nuclear-death-to-all-in-my-path-soldier-boy he wouldn't, not when it had not only felt so good but had also made him feel whole for the first time in a long while. She's playing along, trying to make him feel less like shit for the fact she can't spend too much time in his presence, but as she mutters something about a drink another time he just smiles through the lie. It's easier that way and the sooner she leaves the sooner he can clean up and settle into a night of idly nursing a drink at the bar while playing bouncer. Pretending he’s not dying inside.

She leaves and he's alone.

Just like always, but it's probably better that way, for everybody involved. D'avin's never been that great at maintaining just ask Johnny.

Some things just never change.


End file.
